Explaining Death To Your Child
To a young child the death of a family member is a confusing and ultimately mysterious thing. As fathers our role is to guide them to understanding a gentle but truthful version of a death event. Ultimately as with most things in life, we each must decide on our own how best to deal with such a situation. There are no easy answers or solutions to these problems, there are however a few things we should try to understand that might make the topic of death a less painful and confusing for our children.
Children are aware of death
Long before a child is faced with the death of a loved one, they will have some concept of death from the world around them. They will often see dead insects, birds or the occasional unfortunate squirrel that was not smart enough to get out of the road. They see it in video games or at times on television. Despite what you may assume, your child will often surprise you with his grasp of the reality of death. This does not mean you can ignore the situation and avoid talking to them. Do yourself a huge favor and take proactive action.
The Proactive Opportunity
Take the time to discuss death however briefly when it comes up. This process will prepare your child for a time that unavoidably comes to all of us, the death of a relative or friend. Young children show intense curiosity about dead insects and animals. This often seems a bit grisly to adults but really it seems to be a way for the child to learn how this ultimate factor in life affects things around them.
Your child will most likely have many questions in such a situation; this my friend is your time to shine. Do not discourage your child from discussing death; give them the best answers you can. Death is an incredibly complicated topic so do not expect to have a good answer for everything, your main objective should be to tell the truth as you believe it to be.
This occasional and random experience with death will give them a starting point to understand what has happened when someone they know passes. This may seem a minor thing but it will help you immensely when the time comes.
You Don’t Have All the Answers
Prepare yourself for not having all the answers to your child’s questions. Young children expect a parent to be all knowing, even about death. Death however is one of those mind bending topics in life where most of the answers are uncertain. Many of us are unsure of what we can expect when Death comes knocking, it can be difficult to find comforting answers for our children. While not all the answers we provide them can or will be entirely comforting, we can and must share what we truly believe. When you find that you do not have a decent answer to their questions a honest “I really just do not know that answer to that,” will often suffice.
No dad will ever be able to fully comfort a child where death is concerned, the best we can hope for is to arm them with as much information as we can and be there for them when they need us. That said, a proper outlook on death and a basic understanding of what its place is in the world will go a very long way toward comforting your child.
